The Midnight Ponders

It’s been a while. It’s actually really hard to keep a blog and be bothered to write in it. The only thing that can motivate me is looking at others people’s awesome blogs. They make me feel like having a blog just like theirs and be someone just like them. But this makes it also really annoying to look at their blogs. I become way too jealous of their life. But why is it then so hard to make my life so good, that I won’t feel jealous anymore? Is it impossible? Perhaps. But I hope not, otherwise I’m doomed.

Two day ago my phone started randomly ringing an unknown tune. When I went to see what was going on, there was a text on the screen:

Hey krn this is a surprise reminder! <3 From: Pablo

First I was utterly confused, and then I spent the next 2 hours searching for this Pablo, as I had no idea who it was. But the reminder made my day :). Thank You Pablo!

Lately I’ve really started to reflect upon myself and think who I want to be and who I will be in the future. In my head those two are always the same person.

I want to be someone who leaves surprise reminders for their friends or secret notes under their pillows, that they only find when they go to bed.

I want to be someone who spontaneously texts someone a good night or good morning text message, only for the sake of having a person to do that to.

I want to move out to my own apartment, get a cat and decorate the place to be perfect reflection of who I am.

I want to find the perfect cheesecake recipe and then invite my friends over to celebrate.

I want to have a party when I watch the movie Tangled for the 50^th time. So far only 19. Still 31 to go :P

I want to have a hammock in my apartment and flowers on the windowsill.

I want get into a good university and really discover what I want to do with my life when I grow up. But the thing is, I don’t want to grow up.

I want to stop listening to other people opinions, ideas and dreams for what my life should be like in the future and I want to stop thinking that those opinions, ideas and dreams are actually my own.

I want to find someone to love and share everything with. Someone who will love me for me. I don’t want to be an I anymore.

I want to discover the reason why people enjoy things like running or yoga.

I want to get motivated so I can study a lot more and be a lot better. Yesterday I did 16 mathematics problems, now I have only 173 left.

I want to have much longer hair.

I want to speak French fluently.

I want to look up and address in Google Maps and send a letter there.

I want to put a Christmas card into a stranger’s mailbox

I want to have a beautiful voice and know how to sing.

I want to fly in a dream. I’ve never done that and I hear that it’s awesome.

And maybe someday all of these things will have come true. Will I have a new set of things I want have or do in my life? Most likely I will. But so do everyone, even those bloggers whose lives seem to be perfect. No one’s is, some people just have a need to hide that and create an illusion of a perfect life. Well I don’t. Here I announce that my life is not perfect at all. And no one should believe otherwise.

But I’m sorry if this all came out somehow sad. It did to me, when I read it through. Well I’m not sad :D Maybe a little bit lonely, even though I have no idea why, and perhaps a bit frustrated as the boy I have a crush on is offline in Facebook. Pathetic, I know :P But life sometimes is. For you, here’s something I’ve always wanted to say: 

Too-da-loo !