It’s been a while. It’s actually really hard to keep a
blog and be bothered to write in it. The only thing that can motivate me is
looking at others people’s awesome blogs. They make me feel like having a blog
just like theirs and be someone just like them. But this makes it also really
annoying to look at their blogs. I become way too jealous of their life. But
why is it then so hard to make my life so good, that I won’t feel jealous
anymore? Is it impossible? Perhaps. But I hope not, otherwise I’m doomed.
Two day ago my phone started randomly ringing an unknown
tune. When I went to see what was going on, there was a text on the screen:
Hey krn this is a surprise reminder! <3 From: Pablo
First I was utterly confused, and then I spent the
next 2 hours searching for this Pablo, as I had no idea who it was. But the
reminder made my day :). Thank You Pablo!
Lately I’ve really started to reflect upon myself and
think who I want to be and who I will be in the future. In my head those two
are always the same person.
I want to be someone who leaves surprise reminders for
their friends or secret notes under their pillows, that they only find when
they go to bed.
I want to be someone who spontaneously texts someone a
good night or good morning text message, only for the sake of having a person
to do that to.
I want to move out to my own apartment, get a cat and
decorate the place to be perfect reflection of who I am.
I want to find the perfect cheesecake recipe and then invite
my friends over to celebrate.
I want to have a party when I watch the movie Tangled
for the 50th time. So far only 19. Still 31 to go :P
I want to have a hammock in my apartment and flowers
on the windowsill.
I want get into a good university and really discover
what I want to do with my life when I grow up. But the thing is, I don’t want
to grow up.
I want to stop listening to other people opinions,
ideas and dreams for what my life should be like in the future and I want to
stop thinking that those opinions, ideas and dreams are actually my own.
I want to find someone to love and share everything
with. Someone who will love me for me. I don’t want to be an I anymore.
I want to discover the reason why people enjoy things
like running or yoga.
I want to get motivated so I can study a lot more and
be a lot better. Yesterday I did 16 mathematics problems, now I have only 173
left.
I want to have much longer hair.
I want to speak French fluently.
I want to look up and address in Google Maps and send
a letter there.
I want to put a Christmas card into a stranger’s mailbox
I want to have a beautiful voice and know how to sing.
I want to fly in a dream. I’ve never done that and I
hear that it’s awesome.
And maybe someday all of these things will have come
true. Will I have a new set of things I want have or do in my life? Most likely
I will. But so do everyone, even those bloggers whose lives seem to be perfect.
No one’s is, some people just have a need to hide that and create an illusion
of a perfect life. Well I don’t. Here I announce that my life is not perfect at
all. And no one should believe otherwise.
But I’m sorry if this all came out somehow sad. It did
to me, when I read it through. Well I’m not sad :D Maybe a little bit lonely,
even though I have no idea why, and perhaps a bit frustrated as the boy I have
a crush on is offline in Facebook. Pathetic, I know :P But life sometimes is. For
you, here’s something I’ve always wanted to say:
Too-da-loo !